i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
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Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
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You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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