His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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