i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
