Soap is not a condiment
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Randomize
