so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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