I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
my shit smells like andre
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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