im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
