Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
