I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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