she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
this must be what syphilis tastes like
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
