Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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