I hate all girls vehemently.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
