He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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