I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
