My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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