I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
