Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
