Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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