i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
