I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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