i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
