PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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