I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
