Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
