Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
