Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
the day after is always just damage control
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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