Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
