he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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