He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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