Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
my sisters under your porch take her home
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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