I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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