I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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