We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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