i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
