Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
