i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
