girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
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I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize