Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Who died my cat blue again?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
