Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
