this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
