Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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