I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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