No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
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