Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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