Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
