There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
