So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
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