He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
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He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
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On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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