Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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