Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I think a kid would responsible me up
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
