my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
