is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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