I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
