Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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