I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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