why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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