Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
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Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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