He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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