He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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