Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
did you just send me my own nude
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
