I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
FUCK WHALES
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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