I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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