meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
