First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
