Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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