lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
