It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize