clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
