we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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