I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
