Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
