Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
