dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
