Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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