Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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