She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
