I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
