My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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