Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
