What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
