people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
