He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
