btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
