it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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