i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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